Editor’s Note: The following narrative comes from a woman, whom we will refer to as “Neela.”
The scam I experienced may not have the grandiosity of more notorious cases, but the emotional toll it has taken on me is profound. I have lost my once carefree spirit and trust in others. Like many others who share their stories here, I ignored my instincts when I sensed something was amiss. Had I followed my intuition, I wouldn’t be in this emotional turmoil today.
I was navigating a difficult time in my life. I had just ended what I believed would be a lifelong relationship, one I had envisioned culminating in marriage. The breakup was catastrophic, and I poured significant emotional investment into that bond. Alone and feeling hopeless, I yearned for companionship.
Currently, I was living and working in a foreign country, feeling disconnected from my family and friends. I longed to marry someone who shared my cultural background, believing it might alleviate my loneliness. A friend back home recommended an online dating platform specifically for South Asians, where she had successfully found a genuine partner. I decided to give it a try.
I created a profile and paid the subscription fees, determined to find love. My biological clock was ticking, and I desperately wanted to start a family.
Almost immediately, I came across his profile. He was from Kashmir, India, and his striking green eyes caught my attention. His photographs were of professional quality, resembling a model’s portfolio, which made me skeptical. Initially, I thought he seemed like a player and dismissed him.
However, the following day, I received an email from him expressing interest in connecting. I was secretly excited, and we began to communicate through calls and video chats.
He shared that he had just exited a three-year relationship that left him emotionally scarred. His previous partner had reportedly used him for financial gain before marrying someone else with the wedding dress he had purchased for her. I felt sympathy for him; he seemed so innocent, and I couldn’t fathom how someone could treat him so cruelly.
One of his first requests was to see a picture of my apartment. I found this strange and wondered why he wanted to evaluate my living conditions, but I pushed my doubts aside. Another red flag was his frequent references to money—he mentioned that his mother had a significant amount of gold jewelry she would bestow upon his future wife, which I found odd. He often talked about his family’s wealth and business ventures, always boasting about high figures.
Despite these concerns, he was charming, funny, and attractive. He seemed to understand me perfectly, fitting my ideal partner mold. When I mentioned my desire for children, he initially appeared indifferent, but soon after, he expressed eagerness to start a family. He showered me with attention, making me feel special.
Our families even communicated, as per Indian customs. My father seemed unusually reserved during the conversation, and when I inquired about it, he noted that the man spoke too slickly for his liking. Nonetheless, my father wanted me to make my own decisions.
The deception unfolded slowly. During Ramadan, we discussed charitable giving, and I expressed my wish to contribute. He mentioned a poor maid whose daughter needed help due to the dowry system in India. He claimed he was donating money and asked if I would like to contribute. Foolishly, I agreed, thinking I was doing something noble.
After I sent the money via Moneygram, his demeanor changed drastically. He became distant and never mentioned the donation again. I began to notice inconsistencies in his stories. He even concocted another sob story about a devastating flood in Kashmir, asking for donations, which I ignored.
His lies continued to unfold. Whenever I expressed frustration, he would claim to be hospitalized, often with typhoid. So much so that I nicknamed him “Typhoid Mary” in my contacts.
Despite planning to meet later that year, his behavior became increasingly cold. Eventually, I decided to break things off. Yet, he would pop back into my life with yet another tragic tale. He once claimed his grandfather had died, though I doubted the truth of his words. I suspected he might already be married with a child, especially when he sent me a video of a baby girl, claiming her as his own.
This man wasted my time, energy, and emotional well-being. I even changed jobs in anticipation of his visit. I was ensnared in an elaborate deception. Ultimately, I realized I had fallen for a skilled manipulator devoid of empathy. It was a harsh awakening.
I am grateful that I did not become more deeply involved with him, as I would likely have been left emotionally shattered. I hope that by sharing my experience, I can prevent other women—particularly Indian girls—from falling into similar traps. Psychopaths can come from any background, and awareness is crucial.
For more insights into recognizing manipulative behaviors, visit Psychopaths and Love, or check out Out of the Fog for expert advice on identifying harmful traits. If you want to understand more about the signs of a manipulative partner, PsychCentral provides an excellent resource on this topic.