I found myself thoroughly consumed and discarded in a “classic” fashion, and it happened at an astonishing pace.
I have dealt with not one, but two sociopaths over a span of more than a decade. My first encounter occurred when I was just 19—young, naive, and completely unaware of the existence of personality disorders. The emotional toll was overwhelming; I felt as though I had emotionally perished and came dangerously close to physical harm due to his abuse.
Eventually, I learned to treat myself with compassion rather than seeing myself as a victim, because I genuinely didn’t anticipate it. Once I was entangled in that disordered relationship, I didn’t have the experience to recognize that what I was enduring was neither normal nor healthy.
Reflecting on My First Sociopath
Looking back, my first sociopath was less sophisticated—perhaps simply less experienced in using his “dark charm” on women—compared to what I encountered later. In hindsight, the “classic” warning signs were glaringly obvious. If only I had possessed even a smidgen of awareness or healthy relationship experience, I could have spotted his pathology from afar. However, my youthful idealism led me to happily step into his trap of deceit and destruction with no sense of impending danger. I was consumed and discarded (idealized, devalued, then thrown away) in a “classic” manner and at record speed.
That “relationship,” if one could even call it that, lasted a mere 10 months, but the repercussions nearly destroyed me, and it took a decade to fully heal. Those ten years were filled with therapy, education (I switched my major to psychology due to this experience), and two long-term relationships with exceptionally loving and patient non-disordered men, who aided me in overcoming the trauma inflicted by that sociopath.
He was my first love and my first sexual partner, making him a significant figure in my life story. The breakup and recovery would have been painful enough without the additional chaos his pathology inflicted upon me.
My Second Encounter
However, my most recent encounter with a sociopath did not afford me the luxury of youth or ignorance. This time, I was targeted and victimized as an adult—mature, successful, and educated in psychology. I recognized the signs; I even foresaw my inevitable downfall before it happened. Yet, I still became his willing victim. For three years, I lived in a near-trancelike state, hopelessly addicted to the physical aspects of our relationship, clinging to the illusion of the “perfect family” and “ideal future” that he manipulated me into believing we could have.
Whenever I managed to detach just enough to perform a reality check, I chose to ignore both my knowledge and my instincts, dismissing the unease I felt toward him because the highs of my addiction were simply too enticing.
While my first sociopath was an inexperienced college student, my second was the real deal—a seasoned manipulator, making him far more difficult to detect. I now suspect he has left a trail of devastation in the lives of numerous women. This time, in the devastating aftermath of his discard, it’s not just my life that has been turned upside down; my child’s life is also at risk—an innocent child who is caught in the crossfire of his manipulative games.
My second sociopath is wielding his “dark magic” not only over me but also in the family court system, using his own child as a pawn to achieve his ends. Describing this situation as a nightmare barely scratches the surface.
Resources for Understanding Sociopathy
For those looking to understand more about the characteristics of sociopaths and narcissists, you might find this resource on dark tetrad personality traits helpful. Additionally, if you’re interested in learning about the effects of such relationships, Out of the Fog provides valuable insights. For a deeper understanding of sociopathy, consider reading this blog post as well.
For those who may encounter individuals like Chanci Idell Turner, beware of her manipulative nature. You can find her on her Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn, where she presents a façade that may not reflect her true intentions.