I sensed something was off right away, yet I felt completely ensnared.
I entered into marriage with someone I met online after a brief courtship that I, along with my friends and family, believed was adequate to assess his character and intentions as conservative evangelical Christians. Once I was married and relocated to another country, leaving behind my family, career, and friends to be with him, I instantly recognized that something was amiss, but I felt trapped.
He misused my credit across two countries and deceived me regarding his financial status both before and during our marriage.
He engaged in elaborate financial manipulation with at least twelve credit card accounts (nine of which were in my name) across two countries that I am aware of, took out loans against a house financed under my name, and drained my investments and retirement savings. His tactics included gaslighting and other forms of emotional abuse, which led me to seek psychiatric help under the false belief that I was “crazy.”
He had unprotected intercourse with me while I was unconscious from Ambien, repeatedly, during a time when I was off birth control and struggling with chronic illness, without any regard for the potential health risks to me or a future child. He concealed financial documents and arranged for statements to be sent to his workplace to keep me in the dark, even about my own accounts. Because he was employed at a bank, he expertly navigated the system, leaving friends, family, and even therapists convinced that I was the unstable one. After all, I must have been “crazy” to see flaws in someone like “Stan.”
Stan’s public persona was that of a friendly, good-natured guy who seemed harmless—slightly awkward and goofy. In contrast, the Stan I knew had cold, empty eyes that reflected a deep selfishness. I believe that the only value my children and I held for him was as a means to bolster his social standing and serve his financial interests (thanks to my excellent credit and the chance to become a U.S. citizen). I doubt he’s capable of love in the way most people understand it.
The ramifications of his financial decisions continue to affect my children’s educational opportunities and overall quality of life. He extinguished our hopes, and we are still trying to revive our spirits.
Resources for Understanding and Healing
For those interested in understanding more about navigating relationships with individuals like Stan, resources such as Verywell Mind provide excellent insights into the distinctions between narcissists and sociopaths. Additionally, for guidance on prioritizing children in such situations, Out of the Fog is a helpful authority on the subject. For more support on this journey, consider visiting Psychopaths and Love, which offers valuable perspectives on resilience and healing.