I was in a relationship with a sociopath for two years before I uncovered his true nature. We initially met through an online dating platform, where he mirrored my interests and shyness. I was captivated by him from the start; he was patient and not overbearing, and soon we found ourselves as a couple.
After three months of what I believed was a perfect relationship, he began to initiate pointless arguments, manipulating my emotions with tears and lies, making me feel like I was always in the wrong. Since our relationship was long-distance, we only saw each other on weekends. However, I noticed a drastic change in his behavior, as he went from idealizing me to neglecting me.
Whenever I expressed my feelings, he would claim he felt overwhelmed and insisted he was doing his best, mentioning how he had a full life. I met his friends and family, who all seemed to like me and reinforced his narrative that I was his “first girlfriend.”
Eight months into what I thought was an exclusive relationship, I discovered he was secretly smoking pot and drinking, despite claiming he despised such substances. This betrayal prompted me to end our relationship. Shortly after, I learned that his email had a virus, which sent out messages he had composed. Out of curiosity, I checked his email history and found he had responded to Craigslist personal ads seeking sexual encounters with both men and women.
When I confronted him, he insisted that a hacker was responsible. I believed him, as it seemed so out of character for the man I thought I knew. He was gentle and courteous with me; I even recalled him clearing a path for me in the snow when I worried about getting my shoes wet.
After breaking up, he relentlessly pursued me, promising to change and “grow up.” His neglect transformed back into idealization, and after two weeks, I decided to give him another chance. Once again, he acted like a prince charming and we moved in together, making me feel elated.
However, he soon reverted to neglect, claiming he was homesick and missed his family. He even threatened to leave when I voiced my concerns. As he began to ignore me completely, I would ask him questions to which he would respond only with his depression. He started sleeping on the couch instead of with me, and when I wanted to stay up, he would retreat to bed alone, leaving me feeling isolated.
During this time, I had a female roommate, which added to my stress. I was on disability and renting from my father, who wanted to sell the house if I couldn’t keep it rented. I did not get along with my roommate, and one day, I found my boyfriend talking to her. They abruptly stopped their conversation when I entered the room. He later told me she had tried to buy pot from him.
Feeling exasperated, I decided to move to his hometown to appease him, and he was thrilled. I even told my dad to sell the house, but a week later, he broke up with me, claiming I was “keeping him down.” He promptly moved back to his hometown, leaving me without a place to live.
Later, I discovered he had stolen my migraine medications. Enraged, I demanded he return what he had taken, which he did, while pleading for my friendship. After a month of his relentless pursuit, I agreed to reconnect. He told me he wanted to marry me, which I knew was a lie, but I couldn’t understand why he would go through such lengths if he didn’t care for me.
Eventually, I confronted him about his interactions with my roommate. He admitted to trying to buy pills from her, contradicting his earlier claims. It was then that I realized he had lied about the Craigslist ads and that no one had hacked his email.
I severed all contact with him. A friend suggested I research sociopathy, and upon reading the characteristics, I was both horrified and relieved to find that he fit the description perfectly—from his cold demeanor to his pathological lying. Everything clicked into place, and I understood that he had never truly loved me.
I located him on various dating websites, using different identities. He once told me that no one could outsmart me, yet he had been cheating on me while accusing me of being needy. This heartless behavior showcased the calculated malice he was capable of.
For a long time after we stopped communicating, he harassed me, forcing me to change my contact information. I suffered a physical relapse from an autoimmune disease and experienced worsening depression, but I’m pleased to say I’m on the mend now. My goal is to educate others about sociopaths to prevent anyone from experiencing similar abuse.
If you’re looking for more resources on this topic, consider checking out the excellent information on psychopathsandlove.com or Out of the Fog, which offers valuable insights. For personal stories about living with a sociopath, visit Psych Central.