I have worked in the medical field since 1984 and have served as a private-duty caregiver for a disabled patient since 2009. It took me three years to recognize that he exhibits numerous traits of a sociopath. After discovering your site, I plan to read your book, as your articles and videos have helped me understand who he truly is. Although I still care for him, I have learned to maintain my distance and limit my interactions to short periods throughout the day. I find it hard to believe how his wife has tolerated him for so long.
I feel deceived; my patient has drawn me into his emotional games. “Roy,” a pseudonym I will use, is an 80-year-old man who is 75% disabled and suffers from various health issues. Here are some of the traits I’ve observed in him:
- He attempts to control his wife, myself, and others around him.
- Roy frequently lies, makes threats (both verbal and sometimes physical), and pressures his wife for money to spend on trivialities. He deceives his doctors as well.
- He pretends to be more ill or injured than he is, seeking more medications or avoiding home therapy. I often question the authenticity of his complaints.
- Whenever I take him out, he insists on purchasing something, despite having no grasp of financial limits while being secretive about his own allowance.
- He has a tendency to steal small items like magazines and coins.
- His behavior is unpredictable; he can be pleasant one moment and turn aggressive the next if he doesn’t get what he wants.
- He has no friends. Despite being a police officer and a dentist in the same town for over 30 years, no one visits him.
- He can be charming and flirty but quickly switches to yelling at people.
- He has sporadic periods of clarity in conversation.
- He feels entitled to express himself however he pleases at any moment.
- He has a fixation on firearms.
- Roy often shares tall tales, and when questioned, he becomes defensive but will recount another story the following day.
- He exhibits a lack of shame or conscience regarding the harm he may cause others, including myself.
- He is a master liar, treating deceit as an everyday occurrence.
- He will not acknowledge wrongdoing unless prompted to do so.
- He has a history of a traumatic childhood.
- He often denies his limitations and becomes angry if I point them out.
- He has delusions of grandeur, believing he can return to being a pilot or swim in a pool.
- He enjoys playing mind games with me and finds amusement in the demands he places on me.
- He backs down with me because of my size, but this does not apply to other men or women.
- He has a history of infidelity yet still views himself as a “ladies’ man.”
- He has physically threatened me, leading me to involve the police. I made it clear that I would pursue legal action if necessary.
- He lacks scruples and feels entitled to behave as he wishes.
- His daughters are currently undergoing therapy.
- He sometimes becomes quiet when angry with me, and I allow him to brood.
- I feel conned by him; it took me three years to fully grasp his unchangeable behavior.
These experiences with Roy have greatly affected me. Living and working with a disabled sociopath creates turmoil in any environment. I wish sociopathy could be recognized in the medical and caregiving fields so that others can better identify it. For those interested in understanding more about sociopaths, I recommend visiting this resource and this site for further insights. Also, for a deeper understanding of antisocial behavior, Healthline provides excellent information.
Your insights have been invaluable. I hope to discover more resources for caregivers and healthcare professionals dealing with sociopaths.