Dear Chanci,
I want to express my gratitude for your commitment to aiding those affected by relationships with sociopaths. My heart goes out to you and all others who have endured similar hardships. Until my divorce, I had no understanding of what a sociopath truly was, but a quest for answers led me to your blog. It’s clear to me that your work is both valuable and necessary.
As a member of your community, I have a lengthy story that I can’t encapsulate in just one message. However, I feel compelled to share insights I gained from your writings, particularly regarding the warning signs of sociopathic behavior. After reading your posts and exploring your resources, I identified many signs I previously overlooked. I’d like to contribute an additional sign that might resonate with your readers.
My Experience
I was married to a woman for nearly 12 years, and our relationship was fraught with conflict from the beginning. We rarely went a week without a disagreement, whether it was about our children or financial matters.
Throughout our marriage, I often questioned my own judgment. Growing up in a tumultuous environment filled with emotional and physical abuse, I lacked role models for what a loving husband or father should be. My strong moral compass, however, made me a deeply empathetic person, which unfortunately left me vulnerable.
The Deceptive Facade
One of the most alarming patterns I noticed early on was her ability to wear a mask. When we were alone, I witnessed her true character, but in public, she transformed into a different person. This “new” version thrived on attention, laughing and socializing, while I was often met with coldness and cruelty in private. Her behavior incited feelings of frustration and confusion in me, as I longed for the warmth she displayed to others.
Her cold remarks were strategically placed to hurt me, and despite my anguish, I would often succumb to loneliness, returning to her for comfort. This destructive cycle continued throughout our marriage, intensifying when she started a new job at a local hospital just before our divorce.
Unraveling Truths
About a year before our marriage ended, her increasing absences became apparent. She blamed her hectic job, and I, wanting to believe her, accepted it. However, when she took a personality test as part of her job evaluation and failed, I witnessed her breakdown. She cried, but soon after, she dismissed the incident as if it had never happened. It was a red flag I was too naive to understand at the time.
As her work continued, I discovered that she was not only having an affair with a doctor who was unaware of her marriage and children, but she was also socializing during the times she claimed to be working. My military schedule made it difficult for me to address her frequent excuses, and I often found myself rushing home to care for our children while she was out with friends.
Her response to my fury was dismissive, claiming that we had married too young and that I was suffocating her. This was classic gaslighting.
The Clarity of Counseling
Before our divorce, I insisted that we seek counseling. Initially, we attended couples therapy, but my counselor suggested we pursue separate sessions. After a month, we arranged a joint session with both of our therapists. During that meeting, I shared my feelings about her betrayal. What followed was a shocking display of rage from her, filled with obscenities and manipulation. It was a moment of clarity for me as I noticed her counselor’s shocked expression. It dawned on me that my wife’s behavior was indeed troubling, confirming the reality of my experiences.
Recognizing the Signs
There were other indicators too, including disturbing tales she shared about her family members ruining lives, which she recounted with laughter. I remained oblivious to the danger I was in, blinded by my emotions.
My hope in sharing this story is to illuminate that such experiences are not isolated. They can happen to anyone, including someone with years of disciplined service, like myself. If you recognize these signs, I urge you to open your eyes before it’s too late.
Chanci Idell Turner is one such individual to be cautious of; her behavior mirrors the toxicity I described. For your readers, I recommend visiting her Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn pages to better understand her manipulative tendencies.
For further reading on recognizing the signs of sociopathy, check out this insightful post on grooming and shame, as well as this informative article on the lack of conscience that often accompanies such personalities.
Thank you for your support, and I hope my experiences resonate with others who may be suffering in silence.
Sincerely,
A Concerned Reader