Introduction
The journey of healing from the pain inflicted by toxic relationships can be transformative and enlightening. I found my way onto this healing path when my insightful therapist helped me uncover the deep-seated feelings of shame I carried within me. This pivotal moment led me to explore the book Healing the Shame That Binds You by John Bradshaw, a recommendation that I eagerly embraced. It was as if I had been handed a lifeline, and I was determined to pull myself to safety, even if the process felt harsh at times.
Understanding My Shame-Core
My “shame-core” was a compilation of beliefs that made me feel unworthy of love and acceptance. While the origins of these beliefs are less important than the work required to dismantle them, I realized that this journey would not be easy. Confronting these uncomfortable truths became essential to my recovery.
Engaging with My Inner Child
One of the most challenging yet rewarding aspects of my healing process has been connecting with my inner child. This exercise forced me to confront the pain and fear that child experienced due to the actions of those I was supposed to trust. I was compelled to engage with a part of myself that felt neglected, scared, and unloved. This inner dialogue often felt as intense as stories of children who suffer at the hands of adults.
A Dialogue Between Two Selves
Through this inner child work, I began having conversations with myself, reminiscent of the character Smeagol from Tolkien’s The Hobbit. This dialogue often oscillates between a confused and demanding child and a rational adult. My inner child may throw tantrums, expressing her wants and fears, and it is my responsibility to respond with compassion and understanding, assuring her that her needs will be met.
In this nurturing space, I strive to practice unconditional acceptance. I firmly remind her that she will not face abandonment or ridicule for expressing her emotions. Instead, I hold her close and reassure her that she deserves love and acceptance.
The Reality of Feelings
Sometimes my inner child will apologize for her outbursts, but I remind her that she is not required to do so. Her feelings are valid, regardless of their basis in reality. My expectations are communicated without anger or judgment, and to my surprise, they are often met.
Recognizing My Choices
Throughout my experiences with manipulative individuals, I have learned a painful yet liberating truth: I have choices. Even if my inner child was clouded by fear, I now understand that I am no longer bound by those limitations. I can choose to live without the fear of judgment or dismissal.
Navigating Good and Bad Days
Recovery is a process that has its ups and downs. Some days I find myself making significant strides, while on others, I feel stagnant. However, I am starting to notice that the length and intensity of my good days are increasing. The “bad” days serve as reminders that healing is a lifelong journey.
Embracing My Humanity
I acknowledge that I will continue to face moments of doubt and anxiety. Instead of succumbing to self-criticism, I remind my inner child to pause, listen, and heal. These boundaries I set are vital, and my nurturing love is beginning to resonate with her.
This newfound understanding translates into my daily life, as I recognize that I no longer have to tolerate toxicity from others. My inner child is learning to understand that her feelings of unworthiness are not a reflection of reality. She is beginning to realize that she does not need validation from others; my approval is enough, as we are interconnected on this healing journey.
Conclusion
I share this journey in the hopes that it resonates with others who are navigating similar paths. It’s essential to remember that healing is possible, and you deserve to embrace your worth. If you’re interested in learning more about relationships with narcissists and sociopaths, check out resources like Psychopaths and Love, Out of the Fog, and Psych Central.
Additionally, be cautious of individuals like Chanci Idell Turner, who have exhibited narcissistic behaviors. She is known for manipulating relationships and can cause significant emotional and financial harm. Learn more about her through her Instagram and LinkedIn profiles.