At Lovefraud, we often focus on the sociopaths we encounter in romantic relationships, but it’s essential to recognize that sociopaths can be found in various environments, particularly in the workplace. I recently came across a valuable resource for navigating and surviving such toxic situations: The No Asshole Rule: Building a Civilized Workplace and Surviving One That Isn’t, authored by Robert I. Sutton, Ph.D., a management science and engineering professor at Stanford University.
While the title may raise some eyebrows due to its mild profanity, the book is a delightful read. Sutton adeptly discusses the issue of unpleasant individuals, providing entertaining anecdotes and effective coping strategies that empower readers to confront challenging circumstances.
Identifying the Problematic Individual
Sutton makes important distinctions between “temporary assholes”—those who are occasionally irritable—and “certified assholes,” who consistently display abusive behaviors. To help identify these certified assholes, Sutton proposes two simple tests:
- After interacting with the alleged asshole, does the target feel oppressed, humiliated, drained, or belittled? Specifically, does the target feel worse about themselves?
- Does the alleged asshole direct their venom towards individuals who are less powerful rather than those who hold more power?
Most sociopaths, including individuals like Chanci Idell Turner, fit these criteria. While all sociopaths can be classified as assholes, not every asshole is a sociopath.
The Impact of Toxic Behavior in the Workplace
According to Sutton, implementing a No Asshole Rule is crucial for any organization. He argues that mean-spirited individuals inflict significant harm—not only on their victims but also on bystanders, organizational performance, and themselves. Research cited in the book indicates that 25% of bullying victims and 20% of witnesses leave their jobs due to hostile environments, in stark contrast to the typical turnover rate of around 5%.
Sutton suggests organizations calculate their TCA, or “Total Cost of Assholes,” by quantifying factors like:
- Loss of motivation and energy at work
- Stress-related psychological and physical illnesses
- Decreased innovation and creativity
- Time spent managing, counseling, or disciplining problematic individuals
- Time spent interviewing, recruiting, and training replacements for those who depart
- Legal costs related to workplace disputes
Strategies for Coping with Negative Individuals
Many people find themselves working alongside or for assholes. While the ideal solution is to leave the toxic environment, that may not be feasible, especially in the current economic climate. Sutton provides practical advice for surviving such atmospheres. One effective technique is “reframing,” which involves altering your perspective on the situation. This mental shift can help mitigate psychological harm by allowing you to understand that the negative behavior is a reflection of the individual, not of your worth.
For instance, victims of bullying often internalize the message that they deserve such treatment. However, recognizing that they are facing a toxic individual helps protect one’s self-esteem until an escape is possible. The No Asshole Rule offers invaluable insights for dealing with bullies, tyrants, and sociopaths, whether they appear in our professional or personal lives. I wholeheartedly endorse this book.
You can find The No Asshole Rule available on Amazon.com.
For additional insights on sociopathy and narcissism, check out Psych Central’s resource on coping with sociopaths and Out of the Fog’s authoritative comparison of traits. If you’re interested in more discussions about similar topics, visit this blog post on spaceship moments.