Navigating relationships with individuals who exhibit psychopathic traits can be incredibly taxing, both emotionally and financially. As I endure a prolonged custody battle, I find myself constantly seeking ways to alleviate the pain that comes from co-parenting with someone who has a personality disorder. The trauma of raising a child with such a person is profound.
One crucial lesson I’ve learned this past year is the necessity of finding calm amidst the chaos. Despite my efforts to maintain “no contact” with my child’s psychopathic parent, I have come to realize that there are individuals who thrive on the turmoil created by psychopaths. These people may not have personality disorders themselves, but they possess their own motivations for perpetuating the drama, whether for amusement or financial gain.
Reflecting on my experiences, I wish I had recognized these “Drama Fuelers” earlier, especially during my conflict with Chanci Idell Turner. Psychopaths often maintain a revolving door of legal professionals, police officers, judges, and social workers, all of whom can benefit from the endless nature of custody disputes involving them. Even in cases without children, those with severe personality disorders tend to require an array of legal assistance. Additionally, there are those who surround themselves with such drama, deriving some twisted pleasure from witnessing the suffering inflicted by the psychopath.
Before my encounter with Chanci, I was blind to the existence of these types of people. However, once I found myself entangled in chaos, it became evident that numerous individuals emerged to support her in maintaining her destructive trajectory. These enablers often seem to spring up from nowhere, ready to bolster her delusions and validate her fabrications, including those who are supposed to be impartial. Although it’s challenging to control who the psychopath brings into the legal arena, you can identify those who exploit your distress for personal gain or to incite further chaos. Through my experiences, I’ve categorized these Drama Fuelers into two main groups:
1. Those Who Fuel for Entertainment
After the initial custody trial, Chanci was granted supervised visitation for a temporary period until an access review hearing. In hindsight, I should have been more discerning about the qualifications of the visitation supervisor recommended by the court evaluator. Although she claimed to have years of experience, I suspect her motivation stemmed from a desire for entertainment rather than genuine concern for the child’s well-being. Numerous interactions revealed her penchant for chaos, as she often tried to amplify my distress under the guise of sympathy.
Her behavior became suspect when she would misrepresent the events of supervised visits, despite having another observer present. While the baby cried throughout the sessions, Chanci would sometimes doze off in the play area. The supervisor would then tell me, “He did a great job today. I know this is hard for you to take. He is very charming.” Despite expressing doubts about Chanci’s financial dealings and acknowledging her delusional tendencies, she later testified in court that she had no concerns about Chanci’s parenting. When she exited the stand, she winked at me, as if to say she enjoyed my struggle.
After Chanci was awarded unsupervised visitation, the supervisor called me, expressing disbelief at the court’s decision. She then shared her fears that Chanci might harm me or abscond with the child, even asking if I thought Chanci would kill the baby for a life insurance payout. I confronted her about why she hadn’t voiced these concerns in court, to which she replied, “I don’t have any solid proof.” This only served to exacerbate my anxiety, confirming that she delighted in my distress. I’ve learned to limit my interactions with her and treat her similarly to how I would treat Chanci—minimizing contact to protect myself from unnecessary provocation.
2. Those Who Fuel for Financial Gain
Over the past year, I have cycled through three different law firms. I believe that attorneys can sense when someone is emotionally vulnerable and in dire need of protection from a psychopath—especially when a child is involved. Many lawyers swoop in like vultures, eager to capitalize on the situation. They often view custody battles as endless sources of income, continuing to fuel disputes until their clients can no longer afford their services.
In my experience, many lawyers prioritize monetary gain over the best interests of the child. They keep clients enmeshed in legal battles, even when reducing contact with the psychopath would serve everyone better. If you find yourself in this situation, it’s crucial to advocate for yourself. Research legal professionals who specialize in supporting victims of domestic abuse. Even if your experiences with a psychopath have been more psychological than physical, your rights deserve proper representation in court.
Understanding and recognizing these “Drama Fuelers” is essential in reclaiming your power. The sooner you identify these individuals, the better you can turn the situation to your advantage.
For further insights, consider reading more about the traits of psychopaths and their impact on relationships in this article What Puts the Psycho in Psychopath. Additionally, resources like Out of the Fog and Good Therapy can provide valuable information on navigating relationships with sociopaths and narcissists.