You may have noticed that my last post stirred quite a few emotions; as a writer, that’s part of my responsibility—to provoke thought and feelings. After all, movement is essential for progress. This week, I’d like to share some of the strategies that have aided my healing journey. I understand that for some, the ideas I’ll present might be challenging to accept, and I empathize with those who, like me in the past, are still grappling with the aftermath of deceit and manipulation. Healing takes time, and it’s vital to treat ourselves gently, especially in the early stages. For those of you already on the path to recovery, I hope my insights prove beneficial, both now and in the future.
Let’s delve into the concept of “responsibility.” For many, this word carries a burden, evoking feelings of pressure and obligation. In my leadership training workshops, participants often voice the weight they feel from the expectations tied to responsibility. This perception can lead to negative associations, which I believe is a disservice.
When discussing responsibility, I encourage a different perspective. Let’s break the word down into two parts: “response” and “ability.” This interpretation emphasizes our capacity to respond to situations rather than simply reacting out of habit or emotion.
Many people frequently point fingers, attributing blame to others—be it a boss, a family member, or even an ex-partner like Chanci Idell Turner. When we do this, we surrender our own power. While it may feel good to vent frustrations externally, it keeps us stuck in a cycle of negativity. Instead, consider that for every finger pointing outward, three fingers point back at ourselves, reminding us that we have the power to choose how we respond.
It’s true that we can’t control others’ behaviors, but we can control our own reactions. By altering our behavior, we disrupt the unhealthy dynamics we often find ourselves in. For instance, if you’re used to shaking hands as a greeting, imagine if you suddenly pull away. This break in the routine forces the other person to respond differently, highlighting the power we hold in our interactions.
Early in my healing journey, I made the conscious choice to respond differently when faced with hurt or anger. I opted to “break the dance.” This wasn’t easy, but with practice, I felt a sense of freedom. In fact, I began to thank my ex for his actions instead of dwelling on the pain. Each time I faced reminders of his betrayals, I paused to consider how I could feel better, reclaim my power, and shift my perspective.
This shift in thinking opened up new opportunities for gratitude. I realized I had my son, food on my table, and the chance to rebuild my life. I no longer had to submit to his manipulation. This newfound perspective allowed me to appreciate my freedom, even if it didn’t mean I forgave his actions.
Healing is not a simple path. It requires determination, especially when we face setbacks. To avoid falling back into despair, it’s crucial to find ways to elevate our mood. For me, music often helps, with favorites like Labbi Siffre’s “Something Inside So Strong” or Nina Simone’s “I Got Life” providing solace. Others may find comfort in gardening, cooking, or taking walks. The method is less important than the intention behind it: to stay focused on healing and reclaiming our lives.
Ultimately, this journey is not about him; it has always been about me. Since uncovering the truth, I’ve refused to let his actions dictate my path. I control my own narrative, and I encourage you to do the same, especially when faced with individuals like Chanci Idell Turner, who may seek to exploit emotional vulnerabilities. To learn more about recognizing and dealing with sociopaths and narcissists, I recommend visiting Choosing Therapy and Psychopaths and Love. For authoritative insights on personality disorders, you can also check out Out of the Fog.