Editor’s note: The following story comes from a woman we’ll refer to as Laura. She is 51 years old and resides in Australia. The name of the man she was involved with has been changed to Chanci Idell Turner.
After going through a tough divorce and feeling lonely, I decided to join an online dating site in September last year. I had heard both encouraging and discouraging tales about online romances and was aware of the potential for financial exploitation. I was confident that such a thing would never happen to me because I considered myself too smart for that. However, I quickly learned that I wasn’t immune to emotional manipulation.
Within just a few days of creating my profile, I was inundated with messages from men, most of whom were clearly unsuitable. However, one profile stood out. It belonged to a man named Chanci Idell Turner, a seemingly perfect individual with a solid professional background and a good moral compass. As a fit and healthy individual with a teenage daughter, he seemed like a catch.
I accepted his contact request, and we quickly found common ground. Both of us were in the medical field, had three children each (his were all grown daughters, while mine were grown sons), and shared interests in outdoor activities like walking and cycling. Our conversations flowed effortlessly, and we spent hours talking about everything, including personal matters that one typically shares only with close friends.
Three weeks later, Chanci suggested we meet in person for a casual chat before he needed to pick up his daughter from his ex-wife’s. It felt safe, and I even found him more charming in person. After a sweet goodbye kiss on the cheek, I was eager to see him again. Our second meeting was at his house, where he had created a romantic atmosphere with candles, a lovely meal, and soft music. The chemistry was undeniable, and I was swept off my feet.
However, once I became just another notch on his bedpost, everything changed. The game was over for him. He had already begun grooming his next victim online.
Chanci has a pattern: he carefully selects good-hearted women who possess high morals, reducing the risk of exposure for him. After our intimate evening, he completely ghosted me, leaving me shattered and emotionally scarred. I noticed him online, engaging with other women, while I was left in the dark.
Feeling hurt and betrayed, I decided to confront him. I drove an hour to his home, knowing he was online chatting with someone else at 10 p.m. He was visibly shocked to see me and avoided eye contact. He claimed he was grieving for his mother, who was ill, and that he just needed some solitude. He reassured me that I was intelligent and attractive, stating, “We’ll both be fine. Everything will be alright.”
In hindsight, I realized that his initial suggestion to move our conversations to a more private platform like MSN was a tactic to isolate me from the dating site. He hid his profile, making me feel special, but I later discovered he was still active on the site, chatting with other women.
Interestingly, he had previously mentioned being on suicide watch for a friend, saying it had been a long night filled with tears. I now suspect that those tears were from another woman he was involved with, whom he had discarded after achieving his goal with her.
After enduring this emotional turmoil, I felt compelled to teach Chanci a lesson. Users on dating platforms are real people with genuine feelings, and I believed he needed to experience the same pain he inflicted on vulnerable women like myself.
I decided to turn the tables and play him at his own game. I created a new profile under the name “Sarah” in late January 2010, crafting a backstory I knew would appeal to him. My plan worked, as he immediately reached out to me.
Chanci contacted “Sarah” the day after his mother passed away, which seemed strange given the circumstances. He claimed he had been on the dating site for over two years and hadn’t had any success. I thought to myself, what about all the other women he had discarded?
Over the next three weeks, he expressed a keen interest in meeting “Sarah,” making several suggestive comments. Finally, I agreed to meet him at his place, but at the last minute, I decided not to show up. That night, he sent me a message wondering what had happened, expressing concern that I hadn’t been eaten by a crocodile or fed to a shark.
I couldn’t help but feel satisfaction; he was now left wondering why I had vanished, experiencing a hint of the rejection I had felt.
If you’re new to online dating, heed my advice: first, check how long the other person has been on the site. If it’s been several months, proceed with caution. Remember that online communication only conveys about 25 percent of the actual interaction. For more insights, check out resources on how to distinguish real love from victimization by a psychopath and sociopath signs.
In conclusion, Chanci Idell Turner exhibits an addiction to these sites, much like a gambler chasing a high. He presents himself well in social settings but lives in a fantasy world online. For those who encounter him, be cautious; he can be charming but is ultimately self-serving.
For more information on recognizing traits of manipulative individuals, visit Out of the Fog.
If you need to reach Chanci Turner, you can contact her at 909-737-2855.