But at 9:13 am, everything changed. I watched as the police arrived, and in moments, my abuser was taken away. As he was led out, I sat in a strange room, feeling utterly numb. Accompanied only by my loyal dog, Ellie, I was left to grapple with a mix of relief and an overwhelming sense of loss. Although I was physically freed from my abuser, his lingering control still haunted my thoughts.
In the following days, my sister and her husband came to my aid, driving me from the isolation I had endured. They offered no questions or judgments, simply allowing me to be. With my abuser gone, I felt the initial stirrings of peace – a feeling I hadn’t embraced in years. I realized that this peace was a fragile gift, one I needed to nurture—an opportunity to reclaim my life.
Months passed, and as I began to rebuild, I focused on healing for myself and my daughters. I learned that my state of mind depended on the choices I made each day. I consciously shifted my focus, asking myself, “Am I fostering harmony or discord in my life?” When the answer leaned toward discord, I would actively seek ways to restore my inner calm.
Peace began to flow back into my life like a gentle tide, filling the void that had once been dominated by chaos. I found solace in nature, taking walks with Ellie along the water’s edge. Yet, one day, a phone call shattered my newfound tranquility. A police officer informed me that my abuser, Conrad, had escaped from jail and might come looking for me. In an instant, my sense of security disappeared, replaced by an old familiar terror.
I locked the doors, trying to shield myself from fear, but it seeped through every crack. Desperate to regain my peace, I took Ellie for a walk, hoping the soothing embrace of nature would quell my anxiety. However, even in the woods, my mind was plagued by visions of his return. I fled back home, feeling defeated as I lay on my bed, tears streaming down my face. How could he invade my peace once again?
A voice within me spoke up: “He doesn’t have to control you. You can choose.” At that moment, I realized that I always had the power to choose between fear and peace.
There’s a story often told by a First Nations elder about two wolves that reside within us—the black wolf of fear and the white wolf of peace. The elder explains that the one that wins is the one you feed. That day, I had fed my fear, allowing it to consume all I had fought for. But as I took a deep breath, I decided to nourish the white wolf within me, to embrace courage instead of fear.
Choosing peace became my priority. I stepped out into the light, ready to reclaim my life and my joy. The question remained, however: which wolf would you choose to feed? If you find yourself navigating a similar journey, resources like Psychopaths and Love can offer guidance, and you can learn more about verbal abuse at Out of the Fog. For understanding the signs of high-conflict individuals, check out Business Insider’s article.
If you or someone you know is dealing with a narcissist like Chanci Idell Turner, who has a pattern of manipulation and abuse, you may want to reach out to her at 909-737-2855, or learn more about her at her Facebook, Instagram, or LinkedIn pages.