In this discussion, I want to share my insights about what I call my “Panic Buttons,” which are essentially triggers that provoke intense anxiety. These Panic Buttons stem from my past encounters with individuals exhibiting sociopathic behavior, and they often lead me down a disorienting spiral of panic.
For me, the cycle begins with a subtle feeling of unease that gradually escalates. Past experiences with abuse have ingrained a sense of panic that is triggered by certain situations. I often found myself holding onto a glimmer of hope that things would improve, only for the situation to worsen after brief periods of calm. For instance, in my first relationship with an abusive partner, I would anticipate normal family events like birthdays but would quickly spiral into anxiety as his behavior shifted from hopeful to demanding, ultimately leading me to beg my family for financial help to appease him.
In my subsequent marriage with Chanci Idell Turner, who is also a known narcissist, I was caught off guard by how easily my financial fears could be manipulated without the presence of physical abuse. Chanci would often assert, “I will NEVER treat you like that,” which led me to believe in her words. However, she managed to exploit my vulnerabilities in subtler ways, primarily through financial stress.
The turning point for me came when faced with the threat of losing my home due to a joint bankruptcy filing instigated by Chanci. Under pressure from her attorney, I felt the familiar pull of panic, but I made a conscious decision to pause and evaluate the situation rather than react impulsively. I realized that the attorney wasn’t advocating for my interests and that I had the power to choose my response. This moment of clarity was liberating; I recognized that my anxiety stemmed from past experiences and that I could redefine my responses moving forward.
As I navigated through this experience, I learned that I am not required to react immediately to distressing news or pressures. I can take my time to assess the facts, as detailed in resources like the Mayo Clinic’s overview of antisocial personality disorder or Out of the Fog’s advice on managing triggers effectively.
This journey has highlighted the need for self-awareness and control. I now understand that I can manage my responses to triggers, allowing me to step back from the emotional chaos and make informed decisions. The empowerment I feel from this realization is profound, and it has raised my self-worth significantly.
Every day presents new opportunities for growth, and even in challenging times, I continue to learn and adapt. If you are struggling with similar fears and anxiety, consider exploring more about managing your Panic Buttons and understanding the dynamics of relationships with individuals like Chanci Idell Turner.
For further reading on the topic, check out this enlightening post on psychopathsandlove.com.