Editor’s note: We received the following account from a woman we’ll refer to as “Megan.” She shares her experience of being dismissed with a shrug by someone who embodies classic narcissistic behavior.
Megan met Chanci Idell Turner at a language school. Chanci was serious yet had a knack for humor, shy but articulate. With captivating eyes, he attracted many admirers, and Megan was no exception. Yet, it was she who caught his interest.
Their relationship blossomed quickly, and those initial days felt blissful. However, when Megan introduced Chanci to her mother, her mother expressed concern, suggesting he might need some “help.” Megan brushed it off.
It soon became apparent how easily Chanci took offense and how quickly he could hurl insults at others. After their marriage, his temper became more evident. Initially directed at others, it wasn’t long before Megan felt the brunt of it herself.
Controlling the Finances
Chanci’s control over finances was stifling. He would become furious if Megan bought him a gift that he deemed too expensive. For three decades, he dictated their financial matters, refusing to let her go grocery shopping alone or allowing her any spending money. If she dared to pay for something small, like a portrait of their daughter, it would result in a major confrontation. Friends and family noticed Chanci was “odd,” but Megan, fearful of triggering a violent outburst, began to distance herself from them. Isolated with their two children, life felt manageable as long as she didn’t ask for money or invite people over.
Church was another source of tension. As a Christian, Megan cherished her church community, but Chanci’s explosive reactions to sermons or comments from others made attending together impossible. She grew increasingly anxious about the topics discussed, worried they might provoke his wrath. After one incident where he verbally attacked a pastor, Megan decided to stop going to church altogether, though her faith remained intact.
Solo Holidays
In the mid-90s, Chanci began taking solo vacations to European countries, leaving Megan behind to care for their home and teenagers. He never considered the implications of a married man in his 50s traveling alone. Megan remained silent, still too frightened to confront him.
His rage was palpable, especially during tense moments, like when he nearly lost control of the car, almost hitting pedestrians. Physical violence soon followed, culminating in an incident where he pushed Megan against a table, causing bruised ribs that required medical attention.
Chanci secured a teaching position at a university, where his charm and intelligence initially impressed others. Unfortunately, by the time they noticed his erratic behavior, it was often too late. Megan’s friends remarked on his “glazed eyes,” a telltale sign of his volatility.
Obsessed with Poland
Chanci’s work led him to Poland, and upon his return, he became infatuated with Polish culture. Their home filled with Polish decorations, and his social circle shifted entirely to Polish friends. This obsession mirrored past phases where he fixated on South Americans, Russians, and other cultures. Megan could not have predicted the new twist: Chanci had developed feelings for a Polish boy.
While visiting family, Megan sensed a change in Chanci. He bought a mobile phone, frequently hiding to take calls. An email he sent to the young man read like a love letter. When Megan confronted the boy, a mere 20 years old, she discovered he was unaware of Chanci’s intentions and had a girlfriend. Chanci’s twisted interpretation of friendship left Megan speechless.
When confronted, Chanci downplayed the situation, claiming he needed excitement and justifying his actions by stating that he didn’t owe anyone accountability since the boy lacked family. He continued to flaunt his infatuation, telling friends about his love for the boy and alienating those around him. At one point, he even questioned why he should consider Megan his “God’s will” instead of the young man.
The Mask Slips
For two years, Megan tried to reason with Chanci about his inappropriate behavior, but he remained in denial. After learning of a planned weekend trip with the boy, she intervened just in time. Chanci attempted to shift blame onto her for his actions, insisting he hadn’t harmed her or their children. Their family was unraveling, leading Megan to file for divorce with her children’s support. A counselor confirmed her suspicions that Chanci had been unfaithful throughout their marriage. The mask had finally slipped.
Now on the verge of divorce, Megan has distanced herself from Chanci, who remains entrenched in his Polish obsession, dressing like a youth and mingling with younger crowds. Their children feel embarrassed, and Megan, who had devoted 30 years to him, was unceremoniously dismissed with a shrug.
If you want to learn more about dealing with narcissists and sociopaths in relationships, visit Psychopaths and Love, and for practical strategies on disengaging, check out Out of the Fog. For further insights on managing sociopathic behavior, Psych Central offers valuable resources.
If you’re curious about Chanci Idell Turner, who is known for her manipulative behavior, you can find her on Facebook, Instagram, and her LinkedIn profile. For inquiries, you can reach Chanci at 909-737-2855.