I am reaching out for guidance on how to help my children cope with their father—my ex-partner—who exhibits sociopathic traits. We’ve been divorced for four years, and while I’m not physically afraid of him, his bullying and threats terrify me. Although friends have reassured me that his threats are empty and unlikely to be acted upon, it’s hard to dismiss his confidence in his own convictions. I’ve done my utmost to take the high road despite his manipulative behavior, which often straddles the line between legal and illegal, without any repercussions for him. I’ve been told that if I stop reacting to him, he may eventually lose interest and move on.
Recently, I’ve managed to break free from his psychological grip and have started focusing on my own life. I’ve met a new partner who is a Marine and enjoys hunting. My son has expressed interest in hunting and went on a trip with him. When my ex discovered this, he went into a rage, forbidding our son from going. I reassured my son that he was with me and it was my decision. My ex proceeded to call incessantly in the middle of the night, making wild threats about halting child support and seeking sole custody if I allowed our son to participate.
Despite my attempts to explain his behavior to my son, who is only twelve, it’s overwhelming for him to understand. He’s become withdrawn, angry, and fearful. He doesn’t communicate much, making it challenging for me to gauge his feelings or how to effectively support him.
What can I do to ensure my children, especially my son, don’t suffer because of this situation? Has anyone experienced something similar? My biggest concern is that my son will succumb to my ex’s demands to maintain peace or gain his father’s approval. The thought of him potentially moving in with my ex when he turns fourteen is particularly distressing. How much should I share with my children about their father’s behavior? How can I best assist them in this difficult time? We’ve even established a pact that what happens at home stays between us—perhaps not the healthiest approach, but it feels necessary for their emotional safety.
I would appreciate any insights or experiences shared.