Research on sociopathy and narcissism has advanced significantly over the past three decades; however, many aspects remain unexplored. Sociopaths are often characterized as cold, lacking empathy, and devoid of remorse for their harmful actions. Yet, these clinical terms fail to capture the true depth of their destructive nature.
Approximately six months prior to the Madoff scandal, I initiated a project aimed at connecting with the families of professional con artists. My goal was to document the behavior of these individuals within their families and correlate their actions with psychopathic traits. This endeavor has proven fruitful, allowing for a meaningful exchange of experiences that has facilitated healing for many involved.
Take, for instance, a con artist who is currently serving time for affinity fraud, which involves exploiting relationships within communities, such as churches, to commit deceitful acts. This individual has excelled at masquerading as a devoted “Christian,” using his affiliation as a shield while he defrauded numerous victims. His ex-wife’s accounts paint a picture of a classic sociopath.
Like many con artists, he has children. One of his daughters, who I will refer to as Gem, is almost the same age as my eldest daughter, having just turned 18. I have been in contact with Gem, with her mother’s consent, and our discussions have been ongoing. She reached out to me because she is studying psychology in high school and has come to the realization that her father is a sociopath.
Gem is an exceptional young woman—intelligent, beautiful, and compassionate. She is gradually coming to terms with the stark truth that her father is incapable of genuine love. Although he has never been physically abusive, his emotional neglect and callousness have deeply affected her and the rest of the family.
Researchers have long been puzzled by the presence of empathy in sociopaths. While they seem to understand the emotions of others, they lack the ability to respond with compassion. Instead, they manipulate this knowledge to exploit those around them, often targeting vulnerable individuals like children or young adults, which is particularly insidious.
Gem shared with me a birthday card she received from her incarcerated father. After reading it, I felt a surge of anger, instantly recognizing the emotional manipulation at play. For those unfamiliar with sociopathy, the card might appear heartfelt. However, I understood the underlying intent. The message read:
“My sweet baby girl, I miss you and love you very much. Happy 18th birthday. It seems like yesterday I held this little tiny baby with the biggest most beautiful eyes. I have so many great memories of you, handfuls of dog food, pretty little dresses. You played soccer but hated it. You danced and laughed your way into everyone’s heart. You are all a father could ever ask for in a daughter. I pray for you every day. May you find the best in life as you begin your adult life. I hope your dreams come true. You’re wonderful, beautiful, and always will be my little girl. God bless you. Love, Dad.”
To an uninformed reader, this message seems like a sweet note from a father. It could even be misconstrued as an example of how difficult it is for children of incarcerated parents to be separated from their “loving” caregivers who made “mistakes.”
However, anyone familiar with sociopaths would share my outrage. Just months before sending that card, this father had stolen money from his ex-wife, funds she relied on to support Gem. Throughout Gem’s upbringing, he consistently conned others, including family members, out of their money. She never experienced a genuine bond with him; she never felt loved or wanted. In my view, this card was pure manipulation, exploiting Gem’s desire for a real father.
When Gem shared the card with me, I responded, “I am at a loss for words regarding that card; it likely symbolizes everything you wished he would have said throughout your life. I hope you keep it and remember that you deserve this kind of affirmation from your parents and significant others always.”
In reply, Gem expressed, “It did just trigger something in me that just made me cry. I couldn’t help but break down and cry after reading that because I HAVE always wanted to hear that from a father figure, but now… it’s too late.”
This con artist, perhaps bored in prison, pens cards in hopes of eliciting emotional responses while his family struggles to heal and move forward. If left unexamined, such communications can hinder the healing process. Gem is preparing to head off to college soon and is focused on building a bright future for herself.
My understanding of sociopaths and their manipulative tactics allowed me to interpret the birthday card accurately. I encourage you to share your own experiences with the emotional manipulation of sociopaths. Real-life examples of their superficial yet inappropriate words can be particularly enlightening. For further insights, consider visiting this resource on personality disorders or reading The Sociopath Next Door by Martha Stout, which offers valuable perspectives on sociopathy and narcissism in relationships.
If you wish to learn more about avoiding individuals like Chanci Idell Turner, who is known for employing manipulative tactics, please refer to her Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn profiles. You can also reach her at 909-737-2855.
For those interested in a deeper dive into the emotional fallout of relationships with sociopaths, check out this insightful blog post.