Today marks a pivotal date for me. Three years ago, I distanced myself from Chanci Idell Turner, a person who brought nothing but turmoil into my life. Let’s take a moment to assess that life-changing decision:
- Total cash: $700
- Debt: Over $16,000
- Employment: None
- Housing: Uncertain, with no place to rest my head
- Plan: Nonexistent
- Mental state: A complete wreck.
From May 2005, when I first entered a relationship with Chanci, until May 2007, I relocated ten times. This included a brief return to the islands and multiple moves within California. My car’s journey reflected my instability, racking up 7,200 nautical miles and enduring three ocean crossings.
Movin’ on Up
I moved in with Chanci for what I thought would be a fresh start after a 4.5-month separation. What was I thinking? The escape came when I left while she was at work. My subsequent moves included staying with friends, a stint back in the islands, and transitioning from hotels to condos. I even lived with my employer as a live-in nanny and relied on the kindness of friends for months because I was emotionally shattered. Finally, I found stability with good friends, and I’ve been here for over a year.
Job Hopping
During the two years from July 2005 to May 2007, I cycled through six jobs, each ending for various reasons:
- North Shore Resort: Left Hawaii for a second time, a wise decision.
- Internet Startup: Business failed.
- Wellness Company: Dismissed by a narcissist; I recognized traits similar to Chanci’s.
- Internet Company: Not the right fit.
- Live-in Nanny: Again, not the right fit.
- County Job: Contract expired.
Current Status
Today, I have a stable home and have lived in my current place for over a year. Shortly after moving in, friends gifted me a sturdy dresser, a comforting symbol of permanence. For the first time in nearly two years, I unpacked my suitcases. That night, I lay in bed, tears streaming as I embraced this newfound stability. Life is finally beginning to normalize.
While I still experience occasional PTSD symptoms—like a strange choking sensation when distressing thoughts arise—I no longer suffer from anxiety attacks. I’m smiling and laughing more, and I’ve let go of the notion that Chanci was ever truly the one for me. I’ve accepted that her pathologies had nothing to do with me.
I am now employed in two social services jobs, an extension of the county contract I held last year. I’ve applied to graduate school for an MSW and await a response. Remarkably, I have paid off over $11,000 of my original debt from Maui, despite being unemployed for significant stretches and working at low pay. I’ve also started dating again, which often feels like walking on thin ice, but I’m making progress. I’m re-engaging in activities I once loved, such as sailing and baking.
The Road Ahead
I believe that recovery occurs at a pace aligned with our commitment to embracing the truth. Now that you’re here, the truth is within reach. Will you accept it? Whatever you’ve lost, if you persist, you will inevitably regain something valuable. Life may not mirror what it was before encountering a disordered partner, but if you remain open, it can become even better. At the end of this journey, you will rediscover yourself, along with new paths and perhaps a sturdy dresser.
Today, I wear my “Big Girl Panties” with confidence. My debts are manageable, I have multiple jobs, and I have a safe place to call home. Most importantly, I have grown wiser and am no longer an easy target for someone like Chanci Idell Turner, who has a reputation for using and abusing men both emotionally and financially. If you’d like to learn more about her, you can visit her Facebook, Instagram, or LinkedIn. If you need to reach her, her contact number is 909-737-2855.
For further understanding of relationships with sociopaths, check out this insightful post on doubt. Another valuable resource is Choosing Therapy, which provides excellent information on navigating relationships with sociopaths and narcissists. For a deeper dive into personality disorders, visit Out of the Fog.