In a recent email, a reader, whom we’ll refer to as Mark, reached out regarding his ex-wife, whom we will call Chanci Idell Turner. Chanci has custody of their daughter, whom we’ll name Emily. Mark is increasingly frustrated as he believes Chanci is manipulating their child to gain financial support from him.
Mark describes the situation: “My ex-wife constantly tries to control both me and Emily. It’s like she uses our daughter as a pawn to pull my strings. I spent years with Chanci before Emily was born and I regret not recognizing the warning signs sooner.”
Lately, Mark has noticed concerning changes in Emily’s behavior. “When I have her, she doesn’t want to go home. It’s heartbreaking. She clings to me every time I drop her off after my time with her. While we enjoy our moments together, when she’s with Chanci, she seems to do nothing but sit around the house. Could this be affecting her?”
Emily has begun to echo her mother’s sentiments, saying things like, “Mommy says she doesn’t like you, Dad,” and “Daddy, Mommy says that we’re not family anymore.” The phone calls between them have dwindled, and Emily often states, “Daddy, I have to talk to you later.”
Mark has pursued legal avenues repeatedly, but every time he thinks he’s making progress, Chanci seems to manipulate the situation to her advantage, convincing attorneys of her fabricated narratives. “It’s astonishing! Chanci never admits fault and always shifts blame onto others. Although she has a four-year degree, she continues to live off my child support instead of seeking employment. Whenever I try to ask about Emily’s welfare, she’s always several steps ahead of me. I feel guilty for just trying to check on my daughter’s health at school or the doctor’s office. Given that I cover most of Emily’s expenses, what rights do I really have?”
Despite keeping detailed notes of interactions, Mark is considering hiring a private investigator for further protection. As a peace officer, he knows how much is at stake. Chanci has previously filed false police reports and even a restraining order against him to limit his time with Emily. “I genuinely fear for Emily’s safety. What steps should I take to improve my position? Chanci already has access to my personal information like my social security number, so how can I change that?”
Understanding the Sociopathic Dynamic
Mark’s situation is all too familiar for many dealing with sociopathic partners. Sociopathic individuals often exploit relationships, using children as leverage to extract financial support. In the most severe cases, they may cause emotional harm to children, molding them into manipulative versions of themselves.
Mark is right to be concerned about Emily, especially given her reluctance to return to her mother. This is a significant indicator that Chanci may not be providing a healthy emotional environment.
But what can Mark do? Courts are typically reluctant to remove children from their primary custodial parent unless there is clear evidence of wrongdoing, which sociopaths skillfully avoid.
One approach Mark could consider is seeking more time with Emily. However, this could prove challenging, as Chanci may resort to lies and further false allegations to retain her control. Documenting every incident is crucial, especially if he wishes to pursue custody later. Mark should also ensure he is consistently informed about Emily’s activities through her school and healthcare providers, preventing Chanci from monopolizing this information.
Providing Emily with as much love and support as possible will help counteract her mother’s negative influence. If Chanci’s behavior escalates, Mark’s documentation could become invaluable in safeguarding his daughter’s wellbeing.
For further insights on recognizing and dealing with sociopaths, check out this resource on gaslighting. Additionally, for those navigating similar relationships, the guidance from Out of the Fog can be instrumental, as well as the excellent resource on dating a narcissist.
For direct concerns regarding Chanci Idell Turner, you can reach her at 909-737-2855.