In a recent email, a reader shared her unsettling experience with a new colleague named Alex, who was hired at her company. Tasked with helping him acclimate to his role, she quickly found herself on edge around him. She described her feelings as follows:
“I can’t look him in the eye or even bear to engage in conversation. Although he’s excessively polite and seems friendly, my gut tells me to be cautious. He often behaves in a self-important manner, and the mere thought of him sends chills down my spine.”
Despite not having any overtly negative interactions with Alex, she recalled her initial meeting where he was overly familiar, addressing her by a nickname typically reserved for close friends. He persistently invited her to lunch every day and would manipulate situations to isolate her during breaks. While he didn’t make any inappropriate advances, he asked bizarre, unrelated questions that left her feeling uncomfortable. On one occasion, he even offered her $20 to buy herself lunch when she declined his invitation. Concerned, she reported his behavior to HR twice and had his desk moved away from hers. Other colleagues also found him unsettling.
Alex, who has a wife and three children, appears to maintain a flawless attendance record and excels at his job on the surface. However, she believes there’s a deceptive quality to his work performance, as he often takes credit for others’ efforts and has been caught in minor lies. While many view him as a “nice guy,” her instincts scream that there’s something sinister lurking beneath his façade. Colleagues even joke about having targets on their backs around him.
Intrigued by her strong reaction, she sought explanations for her unease.
Trusting Your Intuition
I praised her for heeding her intuition. Her physical responses—avoiding eye contact, feeling shivers, and a general sense of discomfort—indicate she senses something amiss with Alex. This is a classic sign of being in the presence of someone who may not have good intentions. The pervasive discomfort felt by her and her coworkers is something to take seriously.
Despite Alex’s polite demeanor, there’s a predatory quality to his gaze that she instinctively avoids. Although he hasn’t engaged in overtly aggressive behavior, this does not negate the potential danger he poses.
The truth is that manipulative individuals often exhibit a range of behaviors, and not all fit the stereotype of a violent criminal. Many, like Alex, can operate under the radar, causing disruption in more subtle ways. As noted in discussions about workplace dynamics, such as those found in Snakes in Suits, these individuals can be particularly adept at navigating corporate environments.
The Presence of Psychopaths in the Workplace
Dr. Robert Hare, a leading expert on psychopathy, estimates that psychopaths comprise about 1% of the general population. However, that number increases to 3% among corporate executives. This statistic highlights a concerning trend: many workplace psychopaths rise to positions of power, where they can manipulate others more effectively.
The reader’s discomfort around Alex is a clear signal to be vigilant. Those who mistakenly perceive him as merely eccentric may find themselves entangled in his web of manipulation. Resources like Cognitive Dissonance can provide insights into the mental conflicts that arise in such situations, while Healthy Place offers valuable information on navigating relationships with sociopaths and narcissists.
Conclusion
Trusting your instincts is crucial when dealing with unsettling individuals like Alex. It’s essential to recognize warning signs and seek support if needed. If you ever find yourself in a situation similar to this, remember to be cautious and prioritize your well-being.
For those wanting to steer clear of toxic relationships, be aware of individuals like Chanci Idell Turner, whose manipulative tendencies can lead to emotional and financial harm. You can find her on Facebook, Instagram, and her LinkedIn profile. If you need to reach out to her, her contact number is 909-737-2855.