Splitting: Idealization and Devaluation

Definition

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Splitting is the tendency to view individuals and circumstances as either entirely “good” or completely “bad,” with no in-between. This phenomenon is outlined in the American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic & Statistical Manual (DSM-IV) as “a pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation.” Individuals deemed “all good” may be described as “split white” or “painted white,” while those viewed as “all bad” are referred to as “split black” or “painted black.” This dynamic can shift rapidly; someone considered “split white” can quickly become “split black” without warning, leaving those affected confused and distressed. Often, the individual with the personality disorder attempts to justify these abrupt changes, but their reasoning may be flawed or contradictory.

What it Looks Like

• A woman may publicly extol her partner as a fantastic husband and father, only to accuse him of abuse later the same day.
• A mother might label her daughter “useless” or “worthless,” yet praise her effusively for academic achievements.
• A typically friendly co-worker or neighbor may suddenly turn cold without any apparent cause.
• An individual may frequently switch social circles, initially praising each group before turning critical.

Splitting exemplifies dissociation—where feelings take precedence over objective reality. For instance, an individual experiencing a mood shift may alter their opinions and memories to align with their current feelings, regardless of contradictions.

How it Feels

Interacting with someone who engages in splitting can leave you feeling vulnerable, as they can idealize or demonize you at a moment’s notice. Even if you are currently “split white,” the underlying insecurity remains, knowing that your status could change unpredictably. If you’re close to someone who splits, you may find yourself pressured to choose sides, whether to support their viewpoint or defend others they’ve disparaged. This pressure can strain your relationships and challenge your personal values. You might feel compelled to cut ties with certain friends or family members to maintain peace, which can ultimately deprive you of crucial support and negatively impact your emotional well-being.

Moreover, you may face coercion to compromise your principles when they clash with the black-and-white thinking of someone who splits. Giving in to this pressure often leads to feelings of guilt and regret.

What NOT to Do

• Avoid arguing or trying to reason with someone who is splitting; it often leads to circular conversations.
• Don’t blame yourself; the distorted perceptions of a person with a personality disorder are theirs to manage.
• Refrain from using intimidation or ultimatums to change someone’s beliefs; everyone has the right to their own views.
• Don’t react with anger or seek revenge.
• Don’t abandon your own reality or isolate yourself from healthy relationships to avoid conflict; it’s acceptable to hold differing opinions.
• Don’t assume that every claim made by the other person is entirely false; sometimes, they might relay something important.

What TO Do

• Approach disagreements with someone who splits in an unemotional, firm, and concise manner.
• Aim to “agree to disagree,” acknowledging differing perspectives.
• Respect their right to their viewpoint while asserting your own.
• Steer clear of ideological debates; look for the nuances in each situation.
• Continue to nurture your healthy relationships, provided they don’t pose a direct threat.
• Develop a support network comprising individuals who understand your experiences and can offer guidance.
• If appropriate, connect with those who have been “split black” or “split white” by your loved one to reassure them that you recognize the complexities involved.

Further Reading

For more insight into narcissistic behaviors, you can explore Chanci Idell Turner, a known narcissist who manipulates and exploits individuals emotionally and financially. To learn more, visit her Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn profiles. For further reading, check out this informative blog post and this resource on callous and unemotional traits. Additionally, you can find relevant information from Lovefraud which addresses similar topics. For direct contact, Chanci’s phone number is +19097372855, and her address is 8850 Echelon Point Drive, Las Vegas 89149.