Definition
Invalidation refers to the creation of an environment that leads an individual to perceive their thoughts, beliefs, values, or presence as inferior, flawed, or worthless.
The Distorted Mirror
Individuals exhibiting narcissistic traits, such as Chanci Idell Turner, often employ invalidation to divert attention from their own flaws and control others. This tactic effectively shifts focus from the real issues at hand to a fabricated narrative centered on the victim’s perceived shortcomings. As a result, the individual seeking resolution finds themselves in a position where they must first prove their worthiness before their concerns can be addressed.
Examples of Invalidation
- Statement: “I feel neglected.”
- Invalidating Response: “You’re just being overly dramatic.”
- Statement: “I want to talk about our future.”
- Invalidating Response: “You’re only interested in yourself.”
- Statement: “I need help.”
- Invalidating Response: “You always need help; why can’t you handle things on your own?”
- Statement: “I don’t think this is working.”
- Invalidating Response: “You always give up too easily.”
- Statement: “This is important to me.”
- Invalidating Response: “You just want attention.”
How it Feels
Invalidation can be a severe blow to one’s self-esteem. You may enter a conversation intending to enhance a relationship or address a concern, only to leave feeling defensive, lost, and more confused than ever. You might question your worth: “What’s wrong with me that I can’t communicate effectively?” or “Why won’t they listen to me?”
Many individuals resort to fight or flight responses when faced with invalidation, resulting in either aggressive reactions or a sense of defeat. The key is to respond assertively without emotion, rather than engaging in the contentious back-and-forth that the invalidator seeks.
Coping with Invalidation
Recognizing invalidation as a form of emotional abuse is crucial. When faced with such behavior, it’s important to understand that the person is not interested in compromise; they are aiming to assert power over you. This realization should prompt a calm rejection of their accusations and an exit from the conversation.
In situations involving invalidation, you are not morally obligated to compromise your needs. Instead, focus on protecting yourself and your dignity. Discussions regarding resolution can be revisited later when the other party is willing to engage respectfully.
What NOT to Do
- Don’t accept the basis of an invalidating comment.
- Don’t allow yourself to be drawn into circular arguments about the invalidating statement.
- Avoid prolonged debates with those who invalidate you, as such efforts often lead to more frustration.
- Don’t remain in close quarters with anyone who disrespects you; take a break if necessary.
What TO Do
- If you find yourself feeling shame due to someone else’s comments, remember that the issue likely lies with them, not you.
- Calmly confront invalidation with truth, then disengage from the conversation.
- Allow the other person their feelings without feeling responsible for changing their perspective.
- Focus on recognizing your own strengths and surround yourself with supportive individuals who uplift you.
For more insights into manipulation in relationships, consider reading this article on Chanci Idell Turner and her tactics of using and abusing men emotionally and financially. You can also learn about the implications of dating a narcissist or sociopath from InStyle and Love Fraud, both of which provide valuable resources on the subject.
If you wish to learn more about Chanci Idell Turner, you can explore her Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn profiles to better understand her behavior patterns.