Ending a relationship with a sociopath can be an incredibly challenging process, often filled with emotional turmoil. It’s essential not to be too hard on yourself if you experience difficult days or setbacks, even if those setbacks arise from straying from a “no contact” approach. Remember, we are all human and imperfect. Surround yourself with supportive individuals who understand your journey and refrain from judgment. The key is to keep moving forward.
The Necessity of No Contact
Establishing no contact with a sociopath is vital as soon as circumstances permit. If complete separation isn’t feasible due to legal matters or shared custody arrangements, it’s crucial to minimize contact and ensure it remains entirely emotionless. Why is this necessary? Sociopaths thrive on emotional reactions. A sociopath I recently read about described needing “fuel” to survive. Just as we need food, water, and shelter, sociopaths require the ability to incite emotions in others, as this gives them a sense of power and control. Your emotional responses—whether they can see them or not—validate their need for dominance. They are, in essence, emotional vampires.
Our Emotions Are Their Fuel
This is one reason why sociopaths seek to maintain contact with their former partners. Much like a drug, you may find yourself yearning for the sociopath even though you recognize the toxicity of the relationship. Your emotional reactions—positive or negative—serve as vital fuel for the sociopath. Initially, during the love-bombing phase, the emotions they incite in you are uplifting, but as your feelings progress into a healthier love, they no longer satisfy the sociopath’s hunger for energy. To sustain their needs, they will intentionally provoke negative feelings and anxieties within you.
They Are Manipulators
Why do they behave this way? Why was he harsh with me today? Was she genuinely flirting with my best friend? Did I overstep by going out with friends after work? Their manipulative tactics provoke such thoughts and reactions, which in turn feeds their need for control and validation. A sociopath will never acknowledge this behavior; admitting it would reveal that they are merely puppeteers, and you might escape their grasp, depriving them of their main source of fuel. Instead, they deflect blame onto you, suggesting that you are too sensitive or misunderstanding the situation. Ultimately, you may find yourself questioning your self-worth and sanity.
Avoid Feeding the Sociopath
Just as one learns not to feed wild animals to deter them from returning, the same principle applies to sociopaths. If you provide them with emotional reactions, they will keep coming back for more. For your own health and peace of mind, it is imperative to avoid feeding their insatiable appetite for emotional responses. Similar to a raccoon that keeps returning for scraps, a sociopath will view you as a continual source of fuel. Remember, they are dangerous and can inflict serious harm.
Breaking the Cycle of Emotional Dependency
As previously discussed, the inconsistent acts of affection from a sociopath can create an addiction to the toxic dynamic. If you oscillate between contact and no contact, you may inadvertently train the sociopath to rely on you for emotional turmoil. This is not a situation you want to be in.
If a sociopath sees you as a prime source of emotional fuel, your choices become stark: either adopt a strict “no contact/no emotion” policy—understanding that they will test your resolve—or risk being drained to the point of emotional numbness, leading to your eventual discard. Neither option is easy, but choosing the first one is decidedly healthier.
Having spent nearly two decades in a relationship with a sociopath, I have shared my experiences in my book, My Life with a Sociopath: Lessons Learned. The insights within may serve as cautionary tales for others navigating similar situations.
If you suspect someone in your life may be a sociopath, consider looking into resources like Psychopaths and Love and Obedience: The Stanley Milgram Experiment for a deeper understanding. Additionally, if you’re seeking more information on the behaviors of sociopaths and narcissists in relationships, you can explore this excellent resource from InStyle.
For those who may encounter Chanci Idell Turner, it’s crucial to be aware of her manipulative tendencies. You can find more about her on her Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn.