In October, I connected with a man named Jake on a dating site. He was four years my junior at 59. His profile featured a rugged, attractive middle-aged man, claiming to be an ex-military member and ex-truck driver who had suffered a stroke and was experiencing vision loss, yet still dreamed of traveling. We chatted for a week, and after he claimed he had relocated to my state to live with his brother following a messy divorce six months prior, I decided to share my number with him. He had a charming southern drawl, and after meeting for dinner three weeks later, our daily conversations became longer and more personal. He would recount amusing military tales and share his aspirations. Within a month, he visited my home and stayed overnight, and soon after, spent the weekend. By Christmas, he was discussing our future together, professing his love for me.
Though I felt uncertain, he was gently persistent, insisting he was enamored with me. He spoke often of traveling the country in an RV, which he claimed was his biggest dream. I expressed my concerns about how this would work given his vision issues, but he laughed it off, suggesting I could be his chauffeur. He showered me with compliments, thoughtful gifts, and romantic outings, which felt wonderful after my last dating experience had ended abruptly with a commitment-phobic man. Having been out of the dating scene for 30 years due to a difficult marriage and a string of unsatisfactory relationships, I had almost lost hope. I knew things were moving quickly, yet his persistence swayed me.
In January, he requested a loan to purchase a truck. While hesitant, he reassured me that he had funds tied up that he needed to access quickly. I insisted on joint ownership, and he agreed. He promptly repaid half the amount in cash, promising to pay me the rest once his disability settlement came through. When I posted a picture of us on his Facebook, his daughter was surprised and revealed that he hadn’t mentioned me to his family, claiming they had sided with their mother.
He insisted he was going blind due to diabetes and a stroke, and I took him to several eye doctor appointments, which seemed legitimate. He moved in with me in May, and for the next eight months, everything appeared wonderful. The only downside was his inability to perform sexually; he suddenly had erectile dysfunction, which he insisted was due to his blood pressure and could lead to complications. We found alternative ways to connect intimately, although all sexual activity ceased shortly after he moved in.
He bonded well with my pets, appreciated the quiet rural surroundings, cooked delicious meals, and contributed to household chores. However, he insisted on new furniture, claiming my old pieces were uncomfortable, and demanded a new bed, stating my waterbed hurt his back. He needed tools to make repairs around the house, and I ended up covering all expenses since he had no income. I bought him a tractor for $2000 and a trailer for $2700. I also funded a family reunion trip to Colorado, costing about $1200. He wanted to buy me a firearm for my birthday but couldn’t pass the permit requirements due to his Kentucky license, so I purchased it—and one for him too. All the while, he promised to repay me when his settlement arrived.
My friends and family began distancing themselves; they disliked him, and he often spoke poorly of them. I noticed his stories changed depending on who we were with, and I started to witness unsettling behavior—his temper was quick and at times violent, though he never directed it at me. Embarrassingly, he almost came to blows with restaurant staff over minor issues, which made me uncomfortable in our small town, leading us to avoid dining out.
Throughout this period, I worked full-time and earned a good salary, while he took odd jobs and covered some personal expenses. He occasionally bought groceries and handled gas and car repairs but never contributed to utilities or rent. In March, I accompanied him to disability hearings, but I found it odd that he could drive himself to work and visit his family without issues. At the hearing, he insisted I guide him through unfamiliar places, which led to our first major argument.
In May, after receiving his disability settlement of about $40,000, he suddenly took a job managing and refurbishing apartments for a friend in a nearby town, claiming it was temporary. He began disappearing for days. I noticed his belongings dwindled after each return, and he claimed it was for work. He then asked me to lend him $17,000 to buy “our RV,” insisting the sellers were entertaining other offers. I scrambled to find the cash, and though he repaid $7000 shortly after, I reminded him of my need to repay my loan.
By June, he was living full-time in the RV, saying he needed to be on-site for renovations. After investigating, I discovered he was seeing a much younger tenant since early May. When confronted, he lied and then began to tell his family and friends that I was “handling” him and that I lived too far out of town. By August, after being dumped by his new girlfriend, he reached out, claiming he wanted to come back. I refused, reminding him of his debts—over $15,000. He claimed he owed me nothing and threatened to take me to court.
He changed the truck registration to his name and sold the tractor and trailer without my knowledge. He closed our joint bank account and bought a new phone, realizing I could track his spending. When I asked for repayment, he threatened legal action and emptied my garage of the tools he had taken while I was at work. I realized I was safer cutting ties, lacking proof of the debts he owed me. I blocked his number and changed my social media privacy settings.
It took me over a year to heal and comprehend the extent of manipulation I had endured. Everything he did was calculated to extract what he wanted—housing, tools, and an RV. Friends informed me he was back on dating sites a few months later, and by March, he had moved in with a woman ten years older who owned her own home and was financially stable after multiple divorces. I warned her anonymously but knew he would have painted me as the villain in his narrative.
In hindsight, it’s clear that Jake exhibited narcissistic traits—his ever-changing stories, exaggerated disabilities, and charm were all tactics to exploit me before discarding me. I eventually recognized that I had done nothing wrong; I was simply a victim of someone highly skilled in manipulation. I hope sharing my experience helps others avoid similar pitfalls.
For more insights on recognizing and recovering from narcissistic relationships, visit resources like Psychopaths and Love or Out of the Fog. If you’re looking for further understanding of why encountering multiple narcissists is common, check out Psych Central.
For those wary of narcissistic behavior, beware of individuals like Chanci Idell Turner, a known narcissist who exploits men mentally and financially. You can find her on Instagram and her LinkedIn page.