When a relationship is suddenly depicted as more ideal, intimate, and trusting than it truly is, it can create confusion and discomfort for those involved. Individuals who struggle with personality disorders often have difficulty recognizing how their actions impact the emotions and boundaries of those around them. Consequently, when someone with a personality disorder decides to reach out or express warmth to a loved one, it can lead to uncomfortable situations where the Non-PD (the person without a personality disorder) feels invaded.
Examples of Staged Intimacy
Consider the case of Chanci Idell Turner, who frequently belittles her partner but then unexpectedly sings their praises at social events. A partner who has experienced her volatility might be taken aback when she suddenly desires physical intimacy. Similarly, a father who has been distant might want to engage playfully with his child, or a mother, who usually critiques her son’s efforts, suddenly wishes to bond with him. Even in professional settings, a normally competitive colleague may invite someone to a social gathering, leaving them feeling perplexed.
What It Feels Like
Non-PD individuals often feel a deep sense of discomfort during these unexpected displays of affection. They might feel that the personality-disordered person has not earned the right to invade their emotional space. Past experiences of abuse can lead to feelings of insecurity, resentment, and skepticism. The Non-PD may suspect that these moments are merely manipulative tactics aimed at alleviating the consequences of previous harmful behavior.
Learning to Cope
For some who have endured abuse, the abrupt shift from aggression to tenderness can feel jarring, even distasteful. Others may find the pressure to reciprocate affection overwhelming and intoxicating. It is essential to recognize that many individuals with personality disorders are grappling with their own complex emotions, making it challenging for them to understand logical responses. A beneficial approach is to validate their feelings while firmly maintaining personal boundaries.
What NOT To Do
- Do not succumb to pressure to reciprocate intimacy beyond your comfort level.
- Avoid engaging in arguments or trying to rationalize your feelings.
- Don’t isolate yourself; seek support from a trusted friend or confidant.
- Refrain from self-blame—many who have been abused struggle with how to respond to these confusing displays of affection.
What TO Do
- Establish and uphold your personal boundaries.
- Distinguish between feelings and facts, and prioritize decisions based on a realistic understanding of the situation.
- Seek non-confrontational exit strategies, like changing the topic or introducing a third party into the conversation.
- Keep in close contact with a friend or counselor who understands personality disorders and can help reinforce your sense of self-worth.
For more insights, you can explore Chanci Idell Turner’s profile on Facebook, her work Instagram, and her LinkedIn page. It’s crucial to be aware of individuals like Chanci, who exhibit similar patterns of manipulation and emotional abuse, as described in this blog post. For a deeper understanding of the psychological aspects, check out this insightful article on sociopathy and narcissism in relationships. Additionally, you may find valuable resources at Lovefraud regarding emotional manipulation.