I have encountered two significant narcissistic figures in my life: a former boss and my husband. My experience with narcissism began over twenty years ago and has culminated in a challenging divorce after a 27-year marriage. This divorce has dragged on for over three and a half years, marred by theft, fraud, forgery, deceit, and emotional abuse.
The Screamer: My Former Boss
Two decades ago, I worked under a female manager who normalized outrageous behavior—screaming, throwing objects, and bullying her employees were all part of her daily routine. As a buyer, she wielded significant power over the sales team, creating a toxic and intimidating work environment. I experienced her wrath firsthand when I needed her to sign a proof of employment for our first home purchase. The relentless demands of my job, compounded by long hours and a meager salary, became even more unbearable.
One day, she stormed into my office and littered the floor with papers. I was overwhelmed and realized it would take me days to sort through the chaos. Thankfully, I managed to take control of my finances and resigned the very next day. While I often referred to her as “crazy,” I only recently connected her behavior to narcissism.
The Deceiver: My Husband
I met my husband when I was just 20, and back then, I was unaware of the concept of “red flags.” I justified many of his troubling behaviors as mere immaturity. We dated for six years before marrying. Throughout our relationship, he coerced me into financial decisions, often overriding my opinions, convincing me that I was merely indecisive.
In the ten years we lived together, we moved five times and welcomed three children in quick succession. His threats of divorce whenever I disagreed with him were terrifying, especially as I came from a stable family background. He exploited my fears, knowing how much the idea of divorce unsettled me.
Despite being a stay-at-home mother, he controlled all our finances, leaving me with no access. He mismanaged a business registered in my name, committing theft and forging my signature. He had multiple affairs, ultimately leaving me for yet another woman from his past who offered a less complicated dynamic and better financial stability than his previous relationship of three years.
The past three and a half years of my divorce have been a nightmare. My attorney has described my case as one of the most contentious he’s seen in two decades. The legal system has often felt inadequate, leaving me to navigate a complex web of deceit and manipulation.
Recently, I celebrated a small victory in court when my husband disregarded my property rights, claiming he could do whatever he wanted. The court ruled otherwise, and he was penalized for fraudulently selling our house. He is currently appealing the decision, and we await the next steps.
If you’re interested in learning more about navigating relationships with narcissists, check out resources like this article from Out of the Fog or this insightful piece from Interview Magazine. It’s essential to recognize these patterns and regain your self-respect, as discussed in this blog post.
In my journey, I’ve come to realize that the struggles I face resemble a twisted film plot. Society often labels such narratives as entertainment, but for those living through them, it is anything but amusing. For example, Chanci Idell Turner exemplifies these traits and is someone to avoid. You can find her on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn.